Misguided
by bridgtonbaby
Summary: Katniss and Peeta have survived the 74th Hunger Games, and Katniss is finally realising her feelings, but the journey is far from over... M for later chapters. Post Hunger Games, Pre Catching Fire


_Out of the corner of my eye, I see Peeta extend his hand. I look at him, unsure. "One more time for the audience?" he says. His voice isn't angry. It's hollow, which is worse. Already the boy with the bread is slipping away from me._

_I take his hand, holding on tightly, preparing for the cameras, and dreading the moment when I finally have to let go._

* * *

I regret that day more than anything now. I should have explained myself better. I can't understand how I let myself stand there and hurt Peeta, the one person who was truly there for me in the games. It's been months now since we have really spoken, and the stilted silence between us has slowly been eating away at me. I can feel him slipping further and further away, and it's killing me.

At first it wasn't so bad. I was still unsure of my feelings for Gale, and so there was a piece of me that told myself it was ok that I'd denied my feelings for Peeta.

It was sunny out, a gentle breeze rustling through the woods when Gale and I went hunting for the first time after my return. Since coming home, I hadn't felt totally at ease until then, and my haunting thoughts and memories were finally relinquished. It was as if nothing had ever changed. We were deep in the forest and Gale stood by my side as I shot down another squirrel, hitting it right in the eye.

"I see your aim hasn't improved" he chuckled sarcastically. I wrinkled my nose and pulled a face at him. For hours we had clambered through the thick undergrowth, setting snares and hunting unsuspecting animals. Sometime after, we had gathered a large bag of game and poultry, including squirrels, partridge, rabbit and even a young stag. We eventually trudged our way to the edge of the wood as the sun began to dip, making our way to the Hob. Gale stopped abruptly and took my hand.

"I've missed you Catnip" he said softly, and my eyes fell to the ground as my cheeks flushed red. My heartbeat quickened as he leaned in closer to me. He cupped my cheek and his soft lips met mine and I waited. I waited to feel the spark. It was a nice kiss, but nothing more. No electricity, no lust, no passion. Nothing like the way Peeta had kissed me. He finally drew away from me but his expression had hardened. That one kiss made me realise that Gale was never going to be anything more to me than a friend, a brother, and I think he realised that too. But it made me feel sick. It confirmed that I had been fooling myself, leading myself to believe that what I'd felt in the arena wasn't true, when really, it was.

* * *

The Victory Tour starts in a few days, and I'm dreading it almost as much as I dreaded the Games themselves. I know that each false smile and hollow gaze Peeta gives me will be just for the cameras. But I'm also terrified. What if it's obvious this time? What if people don't believe our act as the star-crossed lovers? I can only imagine what'll happen if our mirage falls to pieces, what President Snow will have done to us. So today I've decided that I'm going to brace the torrential rain and make the short walk to Peeta's to try and patch up any friendship we may have left. I have to admit, my expectations aren't very high.

Despite it only being a small distance, I resemble a drowned rat by the time I reach Peeta's doorstep. I reach out and rap on his door timidly. The rain is icy and my jaw starts to chatter as the cold seeps through my coat. The door creaks open and I step out of the rain into a warm house. It's identical to mine, except the air is filled with the delicious aroma of bread, cheese buns, and frosting. I hurry to take off my drenched coat and hang it on a peg. My stomach flips when I turn to see Peeta standing in front of me. He looks the same as he did when we returned, just a little less muscular, and a little more sullen. But his eyes are as engaging as ever, and his smile still makes my heart swell when it spreads across his face.

"I have to admit, this is a bit of a surprise, Katniss.." he says softly, turning to walk into the kitchen. I follow him in and see a dozen freshly baked loaves, and a tray of my favourite cheese buns. My stomach grumbles at the sight, and I'm reminded that I haven't eaten yet. "Hungry?" he asks, grinning. I snap my eyes away, realising that I'd been staring eagerly at the rolls.

"Oh. Umm.." I mumble, biting my lip, and feeling somewhat guilty as he offers me one."Well yes.. I suppose so," I say as I take a bun, which is still warm. I tear off a chunk and pop it in my mouth. The bread is light and sweet, and the cheese topping adds a delicious tangy edge, so I have to restrain myself from whimpering in delight. This beats lamb stew from the Capitol by a mile. I open my eyes and notice that I've just been sitting here, enjoying Peeta's baked delicacy, whilst he stands awkwardly, obviously trying not to laugh at my exuberant display of approval. "Sorry," I choke, my mouth full. "It's just so tasty."

"Well thanks, I do try," he chuckles. "But if you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here? Besides for the cheese buns," he asks, a teasing tone to his voice.

"Oh God. I've got totally distracted! I err.. I actually wanted to set some things straight, I guess. I don't really think it would be great for us to embark on a Victory Tour on bad terms..." I manage to mutter.

"I didn't realise we were on bad terms..." he says, his face puzzled. "Look, I understand that you don't reciprocate my feelings, and that's ok. I'll just have to live with that. I'm not mad at you, Katniss. I'll get over it in time." My heart sinks when I realise what he is saying, and how rejected he must feel.

"Peeta..." I whisper. "I'm really sorry. Just -"

"You don't need to explain yourself to me, don't worry about it," he sighs.

"No, I do. Before I was confused and unsure, and so I didn't really know how to react back then. I should have told you how I felt on the train. But now... I guess I've realised that it wasn't fake, Peeta. I do really like you," I mumble, looking down at my lap as I pick at the remains of my cheese bun. I can feel him looking at me, but an uncomfortable silence has filled the air between us. He turns and leans on the countertop, his head hanging down.

"I don't really know what to say, Katniss... I- I've kind of accepted that we are never going to be anything. I've fought so hard to push my feelings aside, and now you want me to have them again?" he says, almost angrily. "It's just starting to feel like you are messing me about, but you can't just toy with me like this."

"I know, I know. I really am so sorry. I didn't really anticipate it myself to be honest," I explain, trying to defend myself. The door clangs open, making me jump.

"Hello, my little star-crossed lovers!" Effie squeals as she trots into the kitchen, her heels clicking on the floor, flanked by an entourage of assistants and cameramen. Peeta groans and turns around to face the army of people that now fill his kitchen. "What are you doing here already? The tour isn't for a couple more days." he says curtly , crossing his arms.

"Oh, be a little more enthusiastic Peeta! We have to prep you of course, so we are going to be busy, busy, busy!" she squeaks, clapping her gloved hands together in excitement. I roll my eyes and stuff the last remnants of my cheese bun into my mouth. "Come along now, Cinna and Portia are waiting for the both of you. You are going to just love what they have in store!" she says, spinning round, before tottering away. Peeta stands beside me and touches my arm to draw my attention. He brings his mouth close to my ear.

"We'll talk later" he whispers, and slips off up the stairs. I let out a heavy sigh. This is such a mess.

* * *

I eventually haul myself out of my chair and amble out of Peeta's house, cross the street and trudge into mine.

"Cinna?" I call out, my house eerily quiet. A pair of footsteps tip toe down the stairs and Cinna's friendly face emerges into view.

"I've missed you, my little girl on fire," his silky voice booms. He opens his arms out to me and I gladly embrace him, having missed him too.

"So what torture do you have prepared for me this time?" I chuckle, knowing that I'll soon have to endure hours of waxing, washing, clipping and brushing.

"Oh don't you worry, I have plenty in store for you!" he says, smiling.

* * *

I spend hours with the prep team, and by the time they are finished with me, my scalp is sore and my skin feels like it's been stretched tight. It's late out and the sun has already set, so I wander downstairs to prepare myself a quick meal before getting some much needed rest. After all, I know that this is only the start of many exhausting days yet to come. I find that I still have some venison steaks sitting in my fridge from a stag I managed to kill a couple of days back, so I pull them out and set them on the counter as I shuffle around trying to find a pan. I hear the door click behind me and a pair of feet enter the kitchen, but I don't turn round because I suspect it's just Cinna coming to check up on me.

"Need a hand?" a familiar voice asks. I close my eyes and will my cheeks not to blush red, but I know it's too late as I feel heat rush into them. I'm only wearing a frumpy dressing gown and my hair is damp and straggly, and although I don't usually care about my appearance, I'm embarrassed that I'm being seen in this state. Especially because it's _him_ that's seeing me. I tuck my damp hair behind my ear, glance at him, and give him a small smile.

"Err... Sure," I mumble, racking my brain to think what else I need to cook. The sack of potatoes slumped against the counter catch my eye. "If you could grab a couple of those and then peel them, that'd be great." I say, gesturing towards the grubby sack. Peeta slides across the room and piles a few muddy potatoes into his arms, before making his way to stand beside me at the sink.

"I think this needs a bit of a wash," he declares, holding up a mucky potato. I let a smile tweak at my lips again. "I hope it's ok that I came round... I was sort of hoping we could have dinner together, and talk a bit. I felt like we were cut short a little earlier" he explains, focusing on the job at hand.

"That's just fine," I say, trying to hide my enthusiasm. To be honest, I couldn't be happier he's come round, and I'm really quite surprised he has. I look over at him and try to suppress giggles. His tongue is sticking out slightly as he concentrates, and so he's pulling quite a funny face.

"You know you don't look half cute like that," I say teasingly, but I'm being totally honest. I have butterflies swirling round my stomach and I have this urge to stop what I'm doing and just kiss him. But that's not going to happen. I'd probably die of humiliation.

We chat comfortably while we cook and eventually sit down to a nice meal of sautéed potatoes, steamed carrots, and grilled venison steaks. For the first few minutes we don't talk, too busy stuffing our hungry faces. But the scraping of cutlery soon relinquishes and we sit opposite each other, knowing all too well that there is a lot to be said, but not knowing where to start. I decided to cough up some bravery and break the silence.

"I want you to know, Peeta, as I said earlier, I really am sorry – What I did was unfair to you, and it was wrong of me..."I mumble, pushing a carrot across my plate. I can see him thinking hard, obviously finding it difficult to know what to say.

"I understand, and I accept your apology. I appreciate that we were in exceptional circumstances, and everything was happening so abruptly, it was hard to differentiate between what was the truth and what wasn't... I guess it must have been easier on me because... Well I've liked you for such a long time, so I was pretty sure of my feelings going into the games.I forgive you, Katniss" he clarifies; giving me a friendly, and reassuring smile.

"Well thank you, your forgiveness means a lot to me..." I say, getting distracted by my thoughts.

"I just-" Peeta starts, but I cut him off.

"You liked me before the games?" I enquire curiously. Peeta's eyes fall to his lap and I realise that he is blushing.

"I still remember the day we were asked in class who knew the Valley song, and your hand shot right up. You sang it so sweetly, and ever since then I haven't been able to forget about you. Not once" he explains quietly. I gulp and my throat catches.

"I never realised... Oh God, I feel so foolish" I say, hiding my face in my hands.

"Why do you feel foolish?" he asks confused. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to push out an answer that's understandable.

"You've been here all along Peeta, right in front of me. How have I been so stupid to not realise that?" I exclaim, my chest getting tighter. I want to tell him how I feel, just let it all flood out, but I know that could end disastrously. I look up at him, hoping for a reassuring look on his face but all I see is a puzzled expression. He shrugs at me and I realise that I'm going to have to dive right in, right now. "You know how I said I like you earlier?" I probe.

"Mmhmm.." he mumbles. I take in a deep breath and try to calm myself. Being all open about feelings and such isn't really my forte.

"Well I meant it. Like really meant it. I don't know why it's taken me so long to realise, and I've tried to suppress it, but I have feelings for you. Real feelings. The kind where I stay awake at night thinking about you, wishing you were there with me. Feelings that make me dizzy and light headed thinking about you. Peeta, you make my breath catch and my heart skip every time you just look at me. It's gotten to the point where I don't know what to do anymore... I don't know how to control it." I splutter out, realising that my tongue basically has a mind of its own. I clasp my hand over my mouth in case any more words spill out, but I know it's too late, the damage is done. What have I just done?

* * *

**So this is the start to my new ff as promised. I really hope you enjoy it, let me know what you think!**


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